i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
