I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
