If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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