Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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