lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
