ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
