Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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