Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
