hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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