Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
