It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
