I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize