Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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