we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
