I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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