aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
