i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
