I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
