Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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