When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
