It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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