You really coming over, don't trick.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
