I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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