Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
