I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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