HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
