dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I skipped work to stalk him.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Couch. On fire.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
