Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
