Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.