He kissed a someone with a penis
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..