I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno