You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.