Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
