Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
