Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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