the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
