I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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