I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
