I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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