Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
