Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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