Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Blood and glitter go together right?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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