Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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