I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
