i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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