I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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