Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
