I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
