im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
