you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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