Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
