Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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