I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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