why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
