We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
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DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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