Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
