I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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