you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
