So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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