Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
