Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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