who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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