You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
