I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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